The Plan That Worked Too Well
by VampirePaladin
Summary: Russia does not want to marry his little sister. When she catches him he uses a hastily thought up plan to discourage her. It works better than he thought it would. Now, he is free to pursue America. It is a shame his plan worked a little too well. (female!America)


"Marry me, big brother," Belarus' voice called out. It was muffled by the steel door.

"Niet," Russia cried in terror and fear. His iron fingers tried to claw his way through the stone walls of the bunker. Sadly for him, while paper beats rock, fingers don't. After a few seconds of blindly clawing in terror, blood seeping from his broken nails, he slowly sunk to the floor. Russia pulled his legs to his body and hugged his knees.

Every time his sister's talons hit the door the wall shook and fine dirt drifted down. Given the choice between Germany or Belarus banging at his door, he would pick Germany any day. Russia's eyes watered from the cloud of dust. He brought up one wool clothed arm and hurriedly scrubbed his face with the tan cloth.

The noise stopped. The silence lasted a minute and then two. When it reached five minutes of silence he let out a sigh of relief. She must have given up. It was rare, but it did happen once in a blue moon. Russia stood up. Of course he had not been scared or anything. He was Russia. It was just consideration for his sister's feelings that would never be returned that led him to hiding here. Maybe, if he told himself that enough times he would one day believe it.

The door flew off its hinges and rocketed into the wall not one foot away from Russia. He coughed as the dust kicked up again. When he looked at the door he could see his sister's dark silhouette, illuminated from behind.

"Big brother, let us get married."

"L-little sister-"

Like a well trained bloodhound, she was at his side and latched onto his arm. She gave him what she thought was a doe like expression. Russia began to sweat despite the chill of the room.

"I've picked out a perfect dress and a church for our nuptials."

"I can't marry you!" Russia cried out.

"Why?" Her simple question carried levels and layers of threat that he never would have thought capable in anyone related to Ukraine.

"B-Because," Russia fished for a good reply, "you are a lesbian." It was the first thing that came to his mind.

"I am not. I love big brother. Though if brother were a girl I would love him just the same. You are secretly a girl?" She stopped to think. "Then you will be the bride and I will be the groom."

"Niet! I am male! Male!"

"Then why did you say I was a lesbian?" Her grip on him tightened. He was losing feeling in his fingers.

"You love me, da?"

Belarus nodded.

"Because you love me you love what big brother loves?"

"You already know that."

"Big brother loves girls. So that means little sister loves girls."

"I don't love girls. I only love big brother."

"If Belarus doesn't love what big brother loves then she does not really love big brother. You love big brother right?"

"Yes!"

"So that means that since big brother likes girls, that little sister likes girls. So since we both like girls we can not marry each other."

Belarus' expression faltered to one of confusion as she tried to work it out mentally. "Yes?"

"See, now little sister understands." He gently patted her on the head like she was a child. Russia took the loosening of her grip as a chance to make his escape.

That had not been so bad. Now that he was safe from his sister he could pursue America. Russia smiled. He did want his sister to be happy. Now that they knew she was a lesbian it was just a matter of finding her the right girl. He would call Vietnam when he was home. She was a nice, communist girl. He could support her wooing his precious baby sister.

"If I love what big brother loves then…"

Several days later and America was in line at the Gamestop for the midnight release of Japan's newest RPG. He had asked her to join his cosplay group, so she promised to pick up the game when it came out in English. She hugged herself and bounced lightly on the balls of her feet trying to get just a little warmer.

"America?"

She turned her head at the sound of her name. Standing there was Belarus. While America had seen her in passing at meetings, they had not really spent much time together since shortly after Belarus had moved out of her brother's house.

"Oh, hi Belarus," America said with a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"I came here to see you."

"Well, I'm waiting for my game."

"The store does not open until nine in the morning."

"It is a midnight release. They let people in just to buy copies of the new game."

"I see. I will join you," Belarus stepped closer to America.

"I didn't know you were a gamer. I knew Poland was, but not you."

"I am not."

"Then why are you here?"

"To be with you, America."

"Aww, that is sweet of you." America did not seem to be exactly getting the gist of what Belarus meant. She shivered as the wind blew across her bare legs and her t-shirt.

"You should have worn warmer clothing."

"I am wearing a jacket."

"It is unzipped." Without asking permission, Belarus grabbed the two sides of the leather jacket and with one swift moment zipped it all the way up to America's chin.

"Belarus?"

"You still look cold." She took America's hands in her own ivory ones. Bringing them up to her mouth, she breathed onto their joined hands to warm them up.

America blushed as she fumbled for words, "B-Belarus, w-would you like to..?"

"Yes, you may take me to one of your coffee shops after you buy the video game. When we are there you will buy us both hot chocolate and donuts." It was less of a request and more of an order.

The only thing America could do was silently nodded as their first date started.

Belarus smiled at her. She had to thank her big brother for pointing out the error in her logic. If big brother was in love with America then it only made sense that she was in love with America as well. Belarus loved what big brother loved.

The next few weeks passed surprisingly pleasantly. Dates worked far better when the person Belarus was dating was not actively trying to run away from her. Her severity even lightened slightly when she realized that she did not need to trick America into swallowing a tracking device.

When the next nation meeting came around Russia was very excited. Belarus had left him alone for the most part except for a quick phone call to thank him for correcting her like a good brother should. Vietnam was slowly coming around to the idea of a date with his sister. There was only one thing left that could make all of this perfect.

Russia had heard from not-America that America was already in the meeting room. A bouquet of sunflowers, wrapped in blue paper, was nestled in his arms. He wore a much nicer suit than normal. It was time to ask America out. With Belarus out of the way it meant he could pursue her in peace.

One big, strong hand opened the oak door. He stopped when he saw America. A small tremor ran through his body.

It was not fair. It just was not fair.

There was America, sitting on his sister's lap and making out with her.


End file.
